We throw capital at trends. Something will stick.
Spaghetti Wall Ventures: Where $2.3B meets 47-minute due diligence meets whatever Marc Andreessen tweeted last Tuesday. We've deployed capital into 347 companies across 12 different investment theses since breakfast. Statistically, 2-3 should work. We're 0 for 347 so far, but our Excel model says we're due.
AUM
Mostly undeployed
Portfolio companies
73 still responsive
Minutes average DD time
Industry leading
TVPI
But who's counting?
Investment philosophy
We have strong convictions about the future. We change them quarterly based on Twitter trends, but they're always strong.
Thesis-driven
We invest based on deep market insights gathered from:
- •Forwarded TechCrunch articles (unread)
- •"Is [sector] hot right now?" Google searches
- •Whatever a16z invested in last week
Founder-first
We back exceptional people. By exceptional, we mean:
- •Stanford logo detected in pitch deck
- •Mentioned "AI" 14+ times
- •Sequoia passed (we can be contrarian!)
Value-add
Beyond capital, we provide:
- •Monthly "How can we be helpful?" emails
- •Strategic guidance like "grow faster"
- •Have you considered adding blockchain?
Recent investments
From our 47-minute due diligence pipeline
UberForDogs
Revolutionary transport for canines. Currently a meditation app.
$3.2M
2023
Revenue
$0
AirBnBForBathrooms
The sharing economy meets human necessity. Pending in 47 states.
$4.7M
2022
Revenue
$47k ARR
TikTokForBoomers
60-second medication explainers. Our legendary success story.
$1.5M
2021
Return
47x
Leadership team
Marcus Chen
Managing partner
"Due diligence is just fear of success"
Can't remember what any portfolio company does. Ends emails with "Sent from my Peloton."
Sarah Mitchell
Partner, spray operations
"Why invest in one when you can invest in all?"
347 investments, 73 still responding to emails. If you're not failing 99.6% of the time, you're not trying.
Ready to throw your startup at our wall?
If your startup exists and needs money, you're already qualified for our47-minute due diligence process.
Stanford founders get expedited to 23 minutes.